sharing the life stories of immigrants, expatriates, and refugees to the United States
A worker falls off a 30-foot ladder and tells a co-worker.
What's So Funny?
The co-worker is surprised to see no injuries after the report of falling off a tall ladder. The assumption is the fall happened from the top of the ladder (a long way up in the air), but the fall was only from the second step (and no big deal).
A woman walks into a boutique and asks to try on the dress in the shop window.
What's So Funny?
The woman asked to try on the dress THAT SHE SAW in the window display. The clerk thought she wanted to try on the dress WHILE SHE WAS in the window display. (Of course, the dressing room has more privacy for changing clothes!)
A dog walks into a bar and orders a martini.
What's So Funny?
This joke relies on the mismatch of intentions. When the bartender asks his question, his focus (and surprise) is on seeing a DOG ordering martinis. When the dog answers, its focus is on the terribly high PRICES of the drinks. Humor often relies on switching expectations between the beginning of the joke and the punchline.
What happens when a pair of jumper cables walks into a bar?
What's So Funny?
When someone warns, "Don't start anything," he or she means not to start any trouble. There is a double meaning with the word "start" because the job of jumper cables is to jump-start car batteries which aren't working.
"A man walks into a bar" is one of the most famous joke introductions in English. Here, Alan gives the latest variation on this classic genre of American humor.
What's So Funny?
Customers in the U.S. may ask the bar or restaurant server to get them something "for the road." This means the patrons will be leaving soon and want food or beverage in preparation for leaving. (The expression "to hit the road" means to leave, to get going.) This is funny because the bar patron in the joke has a piece of road material (asphalt) with him when he enters the bar.
How do you test your dog's IQ?
What's So Funny?
Alan shares three jokes from the workplace. Can you practice telling them and share them with your American co-workers?
What if your dog chases neighborhood children on a bike?
What's So Funny?
The way the joke is introduced, we assume the dog is chasing children who are riding their own bikes. The punchline surprises us when we realize it is the owner's dog who is riding a bike while chasing the children of the neighborhood.
A zookeeper is having problems ordering replacement animals. Today's joke involves both critters and English grammar.
What's So Funny?
Some words in English have irregular plurals. For example: one goose, two geese. However, it's: one moose, two moose and one mouse, two mice. How can a speaker be sure of the correct grammar? By using the singular form…and then repeating it!
What do you say to comfort a grammar nerd who's very sad?
What's So Funny?
To comfort someone, we sometimes pat the person on the back or shoulder and say, "There, there, there." Of course, the nerdy people who know details of English grammar know there are three different ways to spell this word.
What did the bartender ask Charles Dickens when the author ordered a martini?
What's So Funny?
Two popular garnishes for a martini are an olive or a twist of lemon rind. Charles Dickens wrote a novel about an orphan boy in 19th century London named Oliver Twist.
What does a French chef's sweetheart receive for Valentine's Day?
What's So Funny?
We often give our loved ones a hug and a kiss. The word "quiche" sounds like "kiss."
A woman dreams all night long that she is a muffler.
What's So Funny?
The woman's night-long dream left her feeling exhausted (very tired) in the morning.
The smoky emission that comes out of a car's muffler is called "exhaust."
Why did the new father only change his child's diaper once a week?
What's So Funny?
The father read "5-10 pounds" on the diaper package. He thought it meant the capacity of the diaper, not the weight of the child.
What is the best part of giving someone a refrigerator for his/her birthday?
What's So Funny?
The expression "your face lights up" means you are so happy that your face becomes brighter. A refrigerator has an automatic switch inside that turns on the light inside when the door is opened. The light shines on the contents of the fridge and the face of the person who opened the door.
A sheepdog brings a flock of sheep back to the farm at day's end. "I brought back 30 sheep," the dog tells the farmer. "But I only have 27 sheep," the farmer protests. "Oh, I know," said the sheepdog. "I rounded them up."
What's So Funny?
The expression "to round up" has two meanings:
1. In mathematics, rounding means going to the next even number. If the total is 26, 27, 28, or 29, it will be "rounded up" to 30 If the total is 24, 23, 22, or 21, it will be "rounded down" to 20.
2. In herding, like in police work, "rounding up" means gathering together many stray individuals (for example, sheep or cows in ranching, or criminal suspects in policing).
A drifter comes into town and asks if there are any odd jobs he could do.
What's So Funny?
The drifter misunderstands the woman's job instructions. She says to paint the porch, but he thinks she says the Porsche (which is an expensive car). Both Porsches and BMWs are expensive German-made cars.
Riddle #1
Q: Why was the number 6 afraid of 7? A: Because 7-8-9.
What's So Funny?
The numbers 7-8-9 sound like "7 ate 9" and a good reason for 6 to be afraid of his neighbor.
Riddle #2
Q: What did the number 0 say to 8? A: Nice belt!.
What's So Funny?
The number 8 looks like a 0 with a tight belt around the middle.
Riddle
Q: What did the duck say when she went to buy lipstick? A: Put it on my bill.
What's So Funny?
The expression "put something on my bill" means to charge something to one's account. The duck wanted to pay for the lipstick later. A second meaning of "bill" is the mouth of a bird, which is where a duck would wear her lipstick.
Joke #1: What's So Funny?
Ole is dying but would like to eat one of his wife's famous brownies before he dies. Lena won't permit it because the brownies are meant for the guests who'll be attending Ole's funeral. Scandinavian immigrants are often seen as very practical people. In this case, Lena is being a practical host after Ole's death instead of being a kind, loving wife while he is still alive
Joke #2: What's So Funny?
Scandinavian immigrants are stereotyped as using few words to communicate. Lena gives only the bare details to the obituary editor: Ole died. Most people would expect a short history of his life and his interests, so this is abruptly funny. When the editor asks if there is more information (because a few additional lines won't cost more money), Lena adds: Boat for sale. Again, she uses few words and is sounding more practical than loving in order to sell Ole's old fishing boat.
Feel Like You Belong is a sometimes serious, sometimes funny, always “touch-your-heart” real conversation about fitting into the American culture. It introduces guests who have made the immigrant journey to the United States. The stories–of both struggle and success–will help newcomers feel more confident in sharing their opinions and expertise, more likely to want to stay in the U.S., be more productive in their jobs, and fully invest in their communities.
