Staying Flexible

As we continue our American church sign series, we note that American churches often use their outdoor signs to announce scheduled events, share upcoming sermon topics, or give advice.  Happily for us, church employees often post clever messages and give passersby something to think about––or laugh at.  This week’s sign is repeated below from the full television episode.  Do you get what's so funny?

Background   

There is a list of famous blessings in the Bible called the Beatitudes.  (You can read all of them here.)  The basic format goes like this: Blessed are [the merciful] for they shall [be shown mercy].  (The old-fashioned use of “for” here means “because.”) The person who made up this church sign "blessing" created a new category: flexible people.

What's So Funny?    

This sign contains a play on the words.  Flexible people are able to bend with each situation.  The expression “get bent out of shape” means to become upset or angry.

Pew in Church

In our American church sign series, we mentioned that U.S. churches often use their outdoor signs to announce scheduled events, share upcoming sermon topics, or give advice.  Happily for passersby, church employees often post clever messages and give us something to think about––or laugh at.  This week, our What's So Funny? segment continues the series.  Do you get what's so funny?

Background   

The rows of benches for sitting in church are called pews.

photo credit: Wikipedia.org

What's So Funny?    

The above church sign asks us if we have terrible (stinky) lives.  The church's response is an invitation to come to church and sit in the pews (and improve our lives).  The sign is funny because the informal expression, "Phew!" means something smells very bad.  When changing a child's messy diaper or when passing a dead skunk on the road, an American might say, "Phew, that stinks!"  (Another way to say "phew" is "P.U."  I have no idea what those two letters stand for.)

Religious Nuts

As we said earlier in this series, American churches often use their outdoor signs to announce scheduled events, share upcoming sermon topics, or give advice.  Happily for us, church employees often post clever messages and give passersby something to think about––or laugh at.  This week, our What's So Funny? segment returns to the series of clever American church signs.  Do you get what's so funny?

Background   

1. The expression "to bear fruit" means to give positive results (as farmers would find good harvest results after taking good care of their fruit trees).  There is this quotation in the Christian Bible: “I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last” (John 15:16).  

2. The expression "to be nutty" or "to be a nut" means to be crazy.  Some religious people are so serious about their religion that they lose track of their social relationships, and their family and friends think they are crazy.

What's So Funny?    

This sign contains two different food references: fruit and nuts are both delicious, healthy things to eat.  The person who posted this sign meant to say religion can give good results in a person's life (love, kindness, good relationships).  However, we shouldn't get too crazy about religion so that we make everyone around us angry or uncomfortable.

Homework Excuse

The teacher was collecting homework assignments and noticed Billy had not turned anything in. “Billy, where is your homework?”

Billy, a bad student but quick thinker, said, “Um, I lost it while fighting a kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school.”

What's So Funny?

Billy didn't really do his homework, but he quickly thought up an excuse that involved flattering the teacher so she would be distracted from the task of checking everyone's homework.

New Organist

As we said earlier in this series, American churches often use their outdoor signs to announce scheduled events, share upcoming sermon topics, or give advice.  Happily for us, church employees often post clever messages and give passersby something to think about or laugh at.  This week, our What's So Funny? segment continues the series of clever American church signs.  Do you get what's so funny?

Background   Many traditional churches talk about the negative consequences of living a bad life on earth.  Chief among them is an afterlife spent in the fires of hell.  Such ministers are said to preach "hellfire and brimstone" to their parishioners.  

What's So Funny?    This person who posted this sign meant to convey two separate announcements: the pastor's upcoming sermon topic and the fact that there is a new church musician playing the organ.  However, since the first topic is a question, the second announcement looks like an answer to the question.  In other words, it will be like hell to listen to the (poor quality of the) new organist.

Tithing vs. Honking

As we said earlier in this series, American churches often use their outdoor signs to announce their schedules, share upcoming messages, and give advice.  Happily for us, church employees often post clever messages and give passersby something to think about or laugh at.  This week, our What's So Funny? segment continues the series of clever American church signs.  Do you get what's so funny? 

Background

To practice generosity, some Christians seek to donate 10% of their income to the church; one-tenth is called a tithe. A common type of U.S. bumper sticker asks fellow drivers to honk their horns in agreement with the printed messages, for example, Honk if you love the (Detroit) Tigers or Honk if you love peace and quiet.  Religious drivers may have the bumper sticker that says Honk if you love Jesus.

What's So Funny?  

This clever person wants people to make a larger commitment to their religious beliefs because honking the car horn is too easy.

Come back next week.  We will have even more funny church signage for you to learn from!

Truth Decay

As we mentioned earlier in this series, American churches often use their exterior signs to announce worship schedules, share upcoming sermon topics, and give general moral advice.  Happily for us, church employees often post clever messages with a sense of humor, giving passersby something to think about or chuckle about.  This week, our What's So Funny? segment continues a series of clever American church signs.  Do you get what's so funny?

Photo credit: www.says-it.com

Background

Many expressions in Christianity involve the theme of struggling or fighting against evil. Many hymns (church songs) involve a war-time metaphor, for example, “Onward, Christian Soldiers.”  Some of the evils that Christians may be fighting against are lies (or untruthful stories).

What's So Funny?  

When people tell lies, they consider that truth is becoming rotten.  The expression “truth decay” sounds like the dental warning about “tooth decay” (teeth becoming rotten).

Come back next week.  We will have more funny church signage for you to learn from!

Throwing Mud

As we mentioned earlier in this series, American churches often use their exterior signs to announce worship schedules, share upcoming sermon topics, and give general moral advice.  Happily for us, church employees often post clever messages with a sense of humor, giving passersby something to think about or chuckle about.  This week, our What's So Funny? segment continues a series of clever American church signs.  Do you get what's so funny?

Background

The expression "to throw mud" means to say bad things about someone.  The expression to "lose ground" means to go backwards, regress, or lose position.

What's So Funny?  

A second meaning of "ground" is soil or earth.  Mud is a kind of very wet earth. 

Stay tuned.  We have more funny church signs coming!

Learn a Foreign Language?

Two Americans were out drinking and found themselves at the bus stop after a night on the town. While they were standing there, a convertible drove up.

The driver shouted out, "Parlez vous français?"

The drinking buddies looked at each other, shrugged, and looked blankly back at the driver.

"Sprechen Sie deutsch?" the driver tried.

Again, the two shrugged and said nothing.

"¿Habla usted español?" shouted the driver.

The two looked at each other and shrugged as the motorist sped angrily away.

"Do you think," said the one, "maybe we should try to learn a foreign language?"

"Nah," said his friend. "That guy there spoke three, and it didn't help him a bit."

Helpful Vocabulary

a night on the town = staying out in the evening to celebrate (with alcohol)

convertible = car with no roof

shrug = to raise the shoulders to show you don't know the answer

What's So Funny?

The two Americans spoke only English, so they couldn't understand the visitor's questions in his three languages. From their view, it's not useful to know those other languages because Americans--at least these two guys--don't speak them.

Looking Busy

As we mentioned last week, American churches often use their exterior signs to announce worship schedules, share upcoming sermon topics, and give general moral advice.  Happily for us, church employees often post clever messages with a sense of humor, giving passersby something to think about or chuckle about.  This week, our What's So Funny? segment continues a series of clever American church signs.  Do you get what's so funny?

Background

In the Christian Bible, it says Jesus will come back to Earth again.  

What's So Funny?  

If you are chatting or checking personal email at work, you are not doing your job.  A coworker may suddenly shout, "The boss is coming!"  Then all the workers will have to pretend they are busy doing their work.  This funny sign combines the Biblical idea of Jesus's return to Earth and the boss's return to your work area.  Of course, you might be able to fool your boss, but if Jesus has divine knowledge, then you can't fool him by pretending to work.

Stay tuned.  We have more funny church signs coming!

Church Signs

American churches often have exterior signs to announce worship schedules, upcoming sermon topics, and general moral advice.  Happily, the employees who change the signs often post clever messages with a sense of humor, giving passersby something to think about or chuckle about.  This week, our What's So Funny? segment starts a series of clever American church signs.  Do you get what's so funny?

This image is courtesy of Youth 360 Ministries, Alabama.

A common U.S. bumper sticker is HONK IF YOU LOVE ____.  The blank might include JESUS, the DETROIT LIONS, or SCUBA DIVING, for example.  The idea is to get other motorists to show their agreement with your message by honking their horn.

What's So Funny?

If you text while you are driving, you may be killed in a car crash.  In this case, most Christians believe you will meet Jesus (or God) in heaven after you die.  The sign is a clever way of saying not to text and drive.

Stay tuned.  We have more funny church signs coming!

Octopus Riddle

I have a riddle for you.

How do you make an octopus laugh? 

Give up?

With ten tickles.

What's So Funny?

The name for an octopus's legs is "tentacles," which sounds like "ten tickles."  If someone tickles us, it makes us laugh.

Hu's On First

Hu’s On First

This is a picture of Taiwanese-born Chin-lung Hu standing on first base.  Mr. Hu played Major League Baseball in the U.S. from 2007-2011.  If Americans were describing the action of this game, they would say, “Hu’s on first.”

Photo: Los Angeles Dodgers

What’s So Funny?

There is a famous comedy routine from the 1940s by the American duo of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello.  It is called Who’s On First?  Most Americans who follow baseball know (and love!) this routine.  It is very clever and very funny.   We talked about it in one of our early shows. In a nutshell, the six-minute routine deals with miscommunication about a player (named Who) who is playing the first base position. Costello asks “Who’s on first?” and Abbott replies, “Yes,” which confuses Costello.

You can view the routine here, and you can read our full explanation here.

Mafia Hit-Man Joke

A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine. The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack. 

New Vocabulary

hit-man = someone who kills others for money (a "hit" is Mafia slang for a killing)

rice field = place for growing rice, also called a rice paddy

figurine = small decorative statue

knick-knack = a decorative object that people put on shelves or bookcases

whack = hit or killing

What's So Funny?

A favorite childhood song, called "This Old Man" includes the nonsense words, "With a knick knack paddy whack, give a dog a bone. /This old man came rolling home."

Geronimo Riddle

Riddle: What did Geronimo yell when he jumped off the high diving board?

Answer: "Meeeeeeeeeeee!"

What's So Funny?

When American kids jump from high places, like the high diving board at the swimming pool, they yell "Geronimo!" (the name of a Native American chief). The rough meaning of this is, "Here I come!"

Camping Joke

A woman goes to see her psychiatrist.

She says, “Doctor, I keep having dreams about my childhood camping trips.  I can’t get rid of this nostalgia.”

The psychiatrist nods.  “I think I see your problem. You’re stuck living in the past tents.”

What’s So Funny?

The expression “past tents” (former tents) sounds like “past tense” (grammar expression for “past time”). 

Dog Diagnosis

A man goes to the psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, my sister thinks she's a dog."

"How long has she thought she was a dog?" the psychiatrist asks.

"Oh, ever since she was a puppy."

What’s So Funny?

When the man tells the doctor his sister believes she's a dog, we believe he and the doctor are on the same page. We suddenly realize that the man may be part of the delusion when he claims she has believed this since she was a puppy (young dog), not a young girl.

Teepee Joke

A man goes to see the psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, sometimes I think I'm a teepee.  Then, I think I'm a wigwam.  Then, I think I'm a teepee.  Then, I think I'm a wigwam.

The psychiatrist says, "I see your problem.  I believe you're two tents."

New Vocabulary

teepee = a Native American shelter made of wooden poles and animal skins

wigwam = another form of Native American shelter

What's So Funny?

The punchline "two tents" is pronounced the same as "too tense."

Nardos Osterhart Tells Her Own Jokes

This week's humor is brought to you by a woman who gets invited to tell jokes in public. We are proud to share snippets of a comedy routine that Nardos performed live in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

What's So Funny?

Many Americans think of Africa as a country, rather than a continent of 47 nations (plus 6 more coastal island countries).  Here, at the Sunday Night Funnies, she makes fun of this misconception.

She jokes that Africa is not the small high school from the television show Glee, where everyone knows everyone else.

To catch her recent bookings, follow her on Facebook at  https://www.facebook.com/nardos.osterhart.

Chicken Diagnosis

A woman goes to see the psychiatrist, "Doctor, my brother thinks he's a chicken."

"Oh, my goodness!" says the psychiatrist. "How long has he thought he was a chicken?"

"Oh, about two years now," says the woman.

"What? Your brother has thought he was a chicken for two years, and you're only coming to see me now?"

"Well…," the woman shrugged, "We needed the eggs." 

Vocabulary

to shrug = to raise the shoulders to show a person doesn’t know what to do, to show uncertainty 

What's So Funny?

We assume that everyone thinks the brother is crazy to believe he's a chicken. (We do, the psychiatrist does, and the sister does.)  However, when the psychiatrist asks why the family took so long to bring the brother's case to medical attention, the answer is that the eggs were important to the family. This claim goes against the case that the brother is crazy because he seems to be producing eggs (just as a real chicken would do).