Mafia Hit-Man Joke

A Mafia hit-man was arrested for killing a man in a rice field with a porcelain figurine. The police said this is the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack. 

New Vocabulary

hit-man = someone who kills others for money (a "hit" is Mafia slang for a killing)

rice field = place for growing rice, also called a rice paddy

figurine = small decorative statue

knick-knack = a decorative object that people put on shelves or bookcases

whack = hit or killing

What's So Funny?

A favorite childhood song, called "This Old Man" includes the nonsense words, "With a knick knack paddy whack, give a dog a bone. /This old man came rolling home."

Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Geronimo Riddle

Riddle: What did Geronimo yell when he jumped off the high diving board?

Answer: "Meeeeeeeeeeee!"

What's So Funny?

When American kids jump from high places, like the high diving board at the swimming pool, they yell "Geronimo!" (the name of a Native American chief). The rough meaning of this is, "Here I come!"


Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Camping Joke

A woman goes to see her psychiatrist.

She says, “Doctor, I keep having dreams about my childhood camping trips.  I can’t get rid of this nostalgia.”

The psychiatrist nods.  “I think I see your problem. You’re stuck living in the past tents.”

What’s So Funny?

The expression “past tents” (former tents) sounds like “past tense” (grammar expression for “past time”). 

Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Teepee Joke

A man goes to see the psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, sometimes I think I'm a teepee.  Then, I think I'm a wigwam.  Then, I think I'm a teepee.  Then, I think I'm a wigwam.

The psychiatrist says, "I see your problem.  I believe you're two tents."

New Vocabulary

teepee = a Native American shelter made of wooden poles and animal skins

wigwam = another form of Native American shelter

What's So Funny?

The punchline "two tents" is pronounced the same as "too tense."

Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Nardos Osterhart Tells Her Own Jokes

This week's humor is brought to you by a woman who gets invited to tell jokes in public. We are proud to share snippets of a comedy routine that Nardos performed live in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

What's So Funny?

Many Americans think of Africa as a country, rather than a continent of 47 nations (plus 6 more coastal island countries).  Here, at the Sunday Night Funnies, she makes fun of this misconception.

She jokes that Africa is not the small high school from the television show Glee, where everyone knows everyone else.

To catch her recent bookings, follow her on Facebook at  https://www.facebook.com/nardos.osterhart.

Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Restaurant Joke


 In the restaurant, the waiter said, “We have everything on the menu today, ma’am.”

“So I see,” said the customer.  “May I have a clean one, please?”

What's So Funny?

There are two meanings to the waiter's statement.  He meant, everything that is listed on the menu is available today.  The customer saw many bits of food stuck on the menu and had a different understanding, namely, that every kind of food was making her menu dirty, so she requested a cleaner menu.

Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Camouflage Pun

As we’ve discussed on previous shows, one difficult aspect of learning a second language is adapting to humor that involves plays on words. They are also called puns.  The appropriate way to receive a pun when it is told is to pretend you didn’t think it was funny.  You may stare at the pun-teller or even let out a groan (unnnhh!).  We don’t want to give punsters credit for clever wordplay, but usually we end up smiling or even laughing.  Here is a clever wordplay that most Americans would chuckle over.  The question: is it funny to you?

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any. 

What's So Funny?

Do you know about camouflage clothing?  Those clothes are worn by hunters or soldiers who want to blend in with their surroundings in order to stay unseen.  

Here, a soldier wears camouflage gear and applies camo paint to his face. (source: Wikipedia)

Here, a soldier wears camouflage gear and applies camo paint to his face. (source: Wikipedia)

This joke also involves a common shopping expression, "to find," which means to locate for purchase. The joke here means that the camouflage pants blended in with their environment that you were unable to see them (which is the normal purpose of camouflage clothing).

camouflage pants (for sale at macys.com)

camouflage pants (for sale at macys.com)

Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.