Asphalt Joke

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"A man walks into a bar" is one of the most famous joke introductions in English. Here, Alan gives the latest variation on this classic genre of American humor.

What's So Funny?

Customers in the U.S. may ask the bar or restaurant server to get them something "for the road." This means the patrons will be leaving soon and want food or beverage in preparation for leaving. (The expression "to hit the road" means to leave, to get going.) This is funny because the bar patron in the joke has a piece of road material (asphalt) with him when he enters the bar.

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Doggie Smarts

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How do you test your dog's IQ?

What's So Funny?

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Workplace Jokes

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Alan shares three jokes from the workplace. Can you practice telling them and share them with your American co-workers?

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Bad Dog Joke

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What if your dog chases neighborhood children on a bike?

What's So Funny?

The way the joke is introduced, we assume the dog is chasing children who are riding their own bikes. The punchline surprises us when we realize it is the owner's dog who is riding a bike while chasing the children of the neighborhood.

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Mongoose Joke

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A zookeeper is having problems ordering replacement animals. Today's joke involves both critters and English grammar.

What's So Funny?

Some words in English have irregular plurals.  For example: one goose, two geese.  However, it's: one moose, two moose and one mouse, two mice.  How can a speaker be sure of the correct grammar?  By using the singular form…and then repeating it!

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Grammar Nerd Joke

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What do you say to comfort a grammar nerd who's very sad?

What's So Funny?

To comfort someone, we sometimes pat the person on the back or shoulder and say, "There, there, there."  Of course, the nerdy people who know details of English grammar know there are three different ways to spell this word.

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Charles Dickens Riddle

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What did the bartender ask Charles Dickens when the author ordered a martini?

What's So Funny?

Two popular garnishes for a martini are an olive or a twist of lemon rind. Charles Dickens wrote a novel about an orphan boy in 19th century London named Oliver Twist.

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

French Chef

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What does a French chef's sweetheart receive for Valentine's Day?

What's So Funny?

We often give our loved ones a hug and a kiss.  The word "quiche" sounds like "kiss."

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Muffler Dream

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A woman dreams all night long that she is a muffler.

What's So Funny?

The woman's night-long dream left her feeling exhausted (very tired) in the morning.

The smoky emission that comes out of a car's muffler is called "exhaust."

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

New Father Joke

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Why did the new father only change his child's diaper once a week?

What's So Funny?

The father read "5-10 pounds" on the diaper package. He thought it meant the capacity of the diaper, not the weight of the child.

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Birthday Fridge

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What is the best part of giving someone a refrigerator for his/her birthday?

What's So Funny?

The expression "your face lights up" means you are so happy that your face becomes brighter.  A refrigerator has an automatic switch inside that turns on the light inside when the door is opened.  The light shines on the contents of the fridge and the face of the person who opened the door.

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Sheepdog Report

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A sheepdog brings a flock of sheep back to the farm at day's end. "I brought back 30 sheep," the dog tells the farmer. "But I only have 27 sheep," the farmer protests.  "Oh, I know," said the sheepdog. "I rounded them up."

What's So Funny?

The expression "to round up" has two meanings:

1. In mathematics, rounding means going to the next even number.  If the total is 26, 27, 28, or 29, it will be "rounded up" to 30  If the total is 24, 23, 22, or 21, it will be "rounded down" to 20.

2. In herding, like in police work, "rounding up" means gathering together many stray individuals (for example, sheep or cows in ranching, or criminal suspects in policing).

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Porch Painting

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A drifter comes into town and asks if there are any odd jobs he could do.

What's So Funny?

The drifter misunderstands the woman's job instructions.  She says to paint the porch, but he thinks she says the Porsche (which is an expensive car). Both Porsches and BMWs are expensive German-made cars.

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

New Riddle: Red and Invisible?

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Riddle:

Q: What's red and invisible?   A: No tomatoes.

What's So Funny?

Ripe tomatoes are red.  If you can't see them, they're invisible.  If you can't see them, how do you know that they're red?  

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Made-Up Quotes

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Our American church sign series celebrates the humor of locally installed messages. Churches often use their signs to announce events, but this one simply posted a joke.  The image below is repeated from the full television episode with Christine Lee.  Do you get what's so funny?

Background   

Many people accept information on the internet without thinking critically.  This leaves them susceptible to misinformation and outright lies.  Consumer groups warn that individuals should not not believe everything they read.

What's So Funny?    

This sign contains a message to dishonest bloggers to stop making up quotations.  However, it is "signed" by Mark Twain, an American writer who died long before computers were invented.

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Worry Kills

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Our American church sign series celebrates the humor--intentional and unintentional--of locally installed signage. Sometimes churches use this space to announce events, but this one tries to give a message of comfort.  The image is repeated below from the full television episode.  Do you get what's so funny?

 

Background   

Some people worry so much that it causes severe problems with their health. The first line in this notice acknowledges that.

What's So Funny?    

This sign contains an unintentional mix-up with words.  The sign-maker meant to say, "We can help with your worries." However, the way the sign reads, it sounds like it is saying, 
"We can help kill you."

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.

Knee Mail

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knee_mail.jpg

GTRI Show: Knee Mail

Continuing our American church sign series, we observe that American churches will use their outdoor signs to announce scheduled events, share upcoming sermon topics, or give advice.  As a public benefit, church employees often post clever messages and give passersby something to think about and chuckle over.  This week’s sign is repeated below from the full television episode.  Do you get what's so funny?

Background   

There is a Christian tradition of praying on one's knees as a way of humbling oneself to communicate with a higher power--either to express thankfulness or request help from life burdens. Over history in general, many people would lower themselves on their knees to show respect for authorities (like kings, queens, or other high-level leaders).

What's So Funny?    

The expression "knee mail" sounds like email.  The sign is encouraging people to talk to God in a traditional, non-electronic way.  Even Americans who aren't religious will appreciate the cleverness of this word play.

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Alan Headbloom

Alan advises Americans how to be global citizens and expats how to fit in to Michigan culture without annoying their native coworkers and clients. He also tweets and blogs at the intersection of language and culture. Over decades, he's traveled, studied, or lived on six continents, putting strange foods into his mouth and emitting strange sounds from it. His use of English, German, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Swedish, Hausa, and Japanese all improve with alcohol use. He gives invited public presentations on culture and unsolicited private advice on English grammar and usage; the latter isn't always appreciated. Visit his website for information on consulting, coaching, or speaking engagements.